I think...

Friendship is one of the most awkward, uncomfortable things ever.

Think about it...there somehow has to be an unspoken (or spoken if you like really awkward) recognition of the fact that you and other person want to take time to invest in the other one's life. Friendship isn't something that survives on one person being a "friend" (caring, discussing, sharing, talking, believing, trusting, laughing,_(fill in the blank)_, whatever) and the other person sitting in a chair with no response to anything. At somepoint, at least one of the people in said friendship have to take steps to make an effort to start something (dinner, coffee, group outing, chat on facebook, _(fill in the blank, again)_, whatever)...and that action has to be reciprocated.

I've noticed in "life as a grown up" that friendships place themselves in strange spots throughout our lives...and we let friendships be boxed in based on situations.
While we're in middle school/ high school, our friends are mainly based on our grade (or at least grades just above or below us), clubs we're involved in or sports we play.
Then, we go to college and we have our college friends and our friends at home...(those rarely cross)...then you graduate. And life doesn't play out like it did in MS or HS...or even college.
I have social friends at the present that range from sophomores in college to mid-40s. But even those groups are mushed into certain groups and "acceptable" situations. And of those social friends, there are many different "groups" that can come out of there...and sometimes, if people are hanging out in an even smaller social setting, none of those people from the larger group at hand are even included...It's bizzare. Nothing wrong with any of that, its just bizzare.


I suck at keeping up with people. I'm terrible at it. I honestly do have good intentions. I don't mean to say "let's get coffee" and then never make it happen. And I find myself getting my feelings hurt because "so and so said they wanted to hang out, but they never called me." Or, I do call and they can't because they are busy or have something else to do. Its really a weird thing because I know neither party means to have any feelings hurt...its just that life got in the way. How do we keep that from happening? I truly do want to be a participate in peoples lives more than just a mere meal here and there, or a random game night...but I think what's strange and awkward and frustrating and the whole nine yards is it has to be a mutual want on both people's part. Not to mention the fact that I have always been rotten at "small talk." I'd rather sit and have a good discussion on something any day.

And then you have the whole idea of friendships that have been before and are no longer...or friendships that have been before and have been altered or changed in some form for fashion based on growing up, moving, changing, becoming...

I miss certain times in life...people in life...that I know beyond a shadow of doubt helped shape and make me who I am today...but I hate that I've lost them in the process of the change. I know that is an important part of life...if things always stayed the same then how or why would we have any reason to trust in God's bigger plan for our lives? But that change takes things from us that were so important--that were so vital to who were have become or are becoming. Its the whole thought of "for such a time is this" and there being a season in life for everything. Sometimes I wish those seasons were a little more "relivable" but they aren't.

I don't know, I've just been thinking about friendships a lot lately and all I can come up with is they are one of the most awkward and uncomfortable things ever...

...and yet completely worth it all at the same time.